Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Infertility, Hysterectomies, and tears oh my!

This Friday I'm scheduled to have the much waited for hysterectomy.  It's a laproscopic procedure, so hopefully the recovery won't be too bad.  It can't be worse than double reconstructive knee surgery.  At least I hope.  


Many people have asked me why I haven't done this sooner.  So I thought that I would try to explain.  When there have been years of tears and years of trying to get pregnant, it's sometimes hard to decide what to do with all that trying.  We have some frozen embryo's and it's hard to know what is the best thing for the possibility of them working out to create a little Casey or a little Daryl.  But the fact of the matter is this...my insides are not healthy and even my doctor finally said that I have a much slimmer chance at this point of getting pregnant than ever. 

If you remember a few posts back I've had an intense pain on the right side of my body since the middle of May.  It is thought to be endometriosis attached to either the fallopian tube or more likely my appendix.  The pain is acting like appendicitis.  Lots of fun let me tell you. 

SOOOOOO please don't be sad or tell me your sorry that I'm having this done because I am so excited to be pain free.  I really can't wait.  I'm hoping to feel a ton better which my doctor assures me I will. YEAH! He said I'd have more energy which is good as Emma and Gabe seem to have an endless amount of that.

But I want to address infertility.  It's an ugly beasts full of lots of emotions and decisions.  My blogging friend wrote this on her blog,  "Infertility is full of a lot of great lessons, the premiere of which is that control is not an option. The next is that we should make plans but then play the cards we're dealt. And finally we've learned that the end may turn out to be different than we expected but can still be just as happy."  I never thought that in my life I would adopt my children, or that I'd have fifty or more youth that are still like my children.  I feel blessed to have gone down this road and I love that I have grown so much because of it.  Infertility has taught me that we don't always know what someone's cross is to bear but for sure they have one. So when you see that woman looking perfect and for sure her life is all put together, I'm sure there is something that is not.  Maybe her toilets aren't clean...but whatever it is I pray that we will be kind to each other as we don't know who needs our kind words today. 

I love the role of mother.  It is a hard one and some days I think why did I spend so much time crying about not being a mother. I didn't know how much easier life was, but it wasn't as full as it is now.  I know that I'm a better person for waiting for the Lord's timing.  And I thank all who have given me their shoulders to cry on and have buoyed me up along the way.  I am so blessed and so here we go, the insides that have wanted to be on the outside for so long, or at least that's how it felt every month, get their wish and I can move on knowing that this particular course of getting children has closed.  I can focus my efforts elsewhere.  So if you need some tampons I'm gladly giving mine away! YEAH!

Love to you all!

7 comments:

Rick said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Kriloff Klan said...

Good luck this week! We are praying for you & pulling for you that all will go as you hope & plan!

Jesse Edwards said...

I'm excited for you to be pain free Case!!!

The Dahl Family said...

Beautiful post, Casey! There is so much that influences the decisions in our lives-- it is nice to be able to hear your thoughts in a straightforward way. Blogging seems to be a good vehicle for that-- nobody interrupts you and there's no social awkwardness that can sometimes make our communications less than effective. Thanks for sharing!

Love ya,
Amber

Jeni said...

hey just found your blog. Yippee! Got back from Thailand and can't sleep :) I am putting you on my friends list. Hope it's ok :)

Angela said...

Beautiful post. You guys have been through a lot of heartache with infertility. I'm so glad you have your 2 beautiful children now. You inspire with your strength and ability to bare your trials. Hope the surgery goes well, and that you have a fast recovery! I'll be thinking of you this weekend. :)

Netty said...

Hey everybody - Casey is out of surgery and in her room now. Everything went well and the surgey was a success! Yeah!!!